Have you ever put on your pants and worried that people just aren’t staring at your crotch enough?
Of course you have, it’s a common problem.
But now it’s a problem no more, thanks to GU in Japan’s penis pocket pants.
The high street chain, (the more affordable arm of popular brand Uniqlo), is currently bringing high penis visibility to a traditionally reserved nation of people.
The pants are being officially sold as “slim tapered pants (color block)”, on the GU website.
There doesn’t appear to be any mention of what the “color block” is actually for though.
It could be a phone holder maybe? Who knows?
Upon closer inspection it does appear to be more of a flap than a pocket, which honestly, just raises even more questions.
Japanese pants lovers have been taking to social media to vent their anger / frustration / confusion over the pants.
“These men’s bottoms, the hell are they,” wrote Twitter user Vitz_Nao. “Is this design what’s fashionable now? “These pants are embarrassing, and I’m not going to wear them. Is it strange I’m being sensitive? Why change the color there.”
— 尚人＠玉村町の左利きの旦那 (@vitz_nao) May 31, 2018
At least that’s what Kotaku.com said he said. We can’t read Japanese so we’ll have to trust them.
It seems the most logical suggestion so far for the flap is banana holster.
Now don’t worry if you think your penis will look better outlined in navy blue or army green. GU have you covered. Literally.
If you really want a pair, because, why wouldn’t you?
You can buy them direct here for only 990 yen. Which is $8.94 or £6.82 right now. So a total bargain.
To make things even more confusing, the penis pocket surprise flap pants, as they should be known, weren’t designed in Japan.
They are instead the work of the very British, current Dior Homme and ex Louis Vuitton creative director, Kim Jones.
Back to Japan though, and at least they’re doing what the Japanese do best. Turning confusion into art.
— ぴんぼけ (@pinboke32) June 1, 2018
It has literally just occurred to us what these pants are for! Dickpics for shy people!
If you’re the sort of odd individual that likes to send unsolicited pictures of your bits to strangers, but being Japanese, are too traditionally inhibited to do so, well now you can!
Just slip on the old penis pocket pants and you don’t even have to send a pic. Just walk round the local park. It’s like flashing but you won’t get arrested.
It’s a win for everybody. Kim Jones, you’re a genius.